It's been a little over a month since my flirtatious relationship with "The Real World" has ended. When they decided that they had no more interest in me and like every guy I have ever attempted to date, they simply stopped calling.
I was surprised at how well I actually took the rejection, maybe it's because I've gotten accustomed to it or because I had a feeling that it was going to end and they weren't going to call. I'm surprised that I "handled" the rejection as well as I did though. Before it actually happened, I figured I'd be stressed and pissed over it for a few days. Cry a bit. Hate life. Hate MTV and be my normal DQ self. BUT I actually wasn't. It was more of "eh, oh well". I think that some friends took it harder than I did. When broke the news to a few people they made excuses for me. saying maybe they didn't call yet because of the thanksgiving holiday or that I still had a week. But no. They just didn't want me. And I'm fine with that.
For starters, it means I'm not 100% fucked up. You look at some of the seasons and you think "HOLY COW" who are these people. They have issues etc. etc. You know that the casting directors love those people and if I would have made it any farther it would imply that I was actually one of them. Semi's was a good place to end up. It means I am interesting, I have a bit of drama in my life and they saw something interesting. But they got bored because I wasn't a complete basketcase, and I can live with that.
Even though it would have been amazing to take a semester of school and get paid to live in a sweet house and drink all the time. There's plenty back here at Simpson that I can now look forward to. The biggest probably being NACA in February. Plus things were going awesome with the house and it would have sucked to leave when I had actually been around for a semester.
BUT I'm not giving up on the RW yet. I think I was a little too nice with my interviews and tapes. They asked to see some different sides of me and I only showed them the good sides. I barely scraped the edge when it comes to things people shouldn't know about me. Like how needy and jealous I get. How possesive I can be. My irritation for idiots and I could continue. So I think my next audition tape will be an angry rant at them. PLUS I now know what things I should milk a little more. Even though I don't really give a shit that I've never seen my real dad. I can pretend for them that I do. That it eats me up on the inside that I've never met the man who gave me life. That's the stuff they want to hear.
So, while I'm complimented that I'm not a total basket case. I kinda want to be one. Lets get real. I'm still an attention whore who's current life goal is to get on reality tv.