My Twitter Tantrum

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a social media junkie.

Just ask the Barista, he makes fun of me on a daily basis for my addiction to blogging,twitter,4square,facebook and my ning networks.

With that addiction comes knowledge; I've learned the ins and outs of most of my social media, but know I have a lot to learn still.

And with that knowledge also comes the responsibility of having to remember that not all people are as "savvy" and they sometimes need "educated". Much like what I deal with @ Simpson when dealing with SGA and CAB.

So, I thought today I would take an opportunity to share with my blog readers and fellow "tweeters", Drew's do's and don'ts of tweeting.


DON'T use four letter words in your tweets. It's just not necessary and makes you look like an uneducated fool when you tweet "F*CK that Sh*T. Thank god it's Friday." Don't forget that your potential employers are looking at your Facebook,twitter and etc. when they are going through your application.

DO use a tiny url when sharing links! You only have 140characters anyway. Don't waste it giving me a link that uses 120 of them. It's simple; put your link into www.tinyurl.com and you'll get a nifty little url to use instead. And it looks alto cleaner and more professional.

DON'T have a "tweet-versation". This might be one of the one's that drives me nuts the most. It's okay to reply to someone or even reply to a reply, but beyond that USE A DIRECT MESSAGE! No one wants to see your conversation about last weekend or see you argue over some movie you both just saw. It's annoying when my phone is blowing up every 30 seconds because you and your friend are conversing back and forth.

DO use correct spelling and punctuation. I don't think I need to elaborate on this one. Like I said earlier, people are paying attention to your tweets and it looks even worse when your tweeting for a company or supposed to be professional. Take 10 seconds to make sure you've used the right "they're/their/there" etc. and you'll look better and annoy less people.

DON'T over share. No one cares that you had a ham sandwich for lunch or that it's been a horrible day and you hate your life. Grab your phone and text or call a friend that actually cares, so you don't waste someone elses time reading about the details of your life.

DO let your personality show through. You don't need to only twitter urls to important newslinks or keep all your twitters about business/professional related things. It's okay to have personality and share some links to entertaining youtube videos are great quotes you've heard. It's just like Facebook. It's a judgement call, it's what you want people to think about you. And if all else fails just think this "Is this a tweet you'd let your grandma see?"

So, next time you go to tweet about your walk in the rain or to share a video, keep these little tips and tricks in mind and you'll look better and your followers will be happier.

Well, that was a mindscrew

So, Barista, myself and a couple of friends went and saw Shutter Island tonight and well, if you like your mind fucked with, this is a movie for you!

It was fantastic!

It's one of those that has you thinking you completely know what's going on 1/2 way through the movie. Then this event happens and you start to second guess, then another happens and you're thinking something else, then a 3rd event happens and you're completely turned around again and then the next you know you feel just as lost and hopeless as poor little Leonardo's character feels.

I LOVED it!

And I also realized that while I get squemish and treat slasher movies like a VH1 reality show. Something that you don't want to watch, and attempt to look away, but in the end, manage to get sucked into anyway. Well, that's how Barista is when mind game movies. I was sitting on the edge of my seat,adrenaline pumping, ready for something to happen and he was leaning as far away from the screen as possible,half hiding behind his coat.

I read the Ebert review of it on Friday and he referred to it as "haunted house" type of movie. And he was correct. The lights go out right when they shouldn't, the characters walk down the too silent, too dim hall, and you're pissing yourself because you keep waiting for something to happen and of course it doesn't. That was this movie.

The crazy people are amazing. There's the cute old lady you feel bad for and don't know why she's locked up, then she explains that she axed her husband. The dork who sliced his nurses face open, but looks like he wouldn't have hurt a fly and then the crazies that we only see in the dim light, adding to their psychotic appeal.

The movie also gets at your emotional gut as well, playing the card of the mom who drowned her kids and now we see images of hopeless dead ghost children, and also playing all too realistic looking flashbacks of Nazi concentration camps ( part of Leo's past-in the movie).

I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that had my adrenaline pumping as Leo runs down the dim and dark halls of "ward 3" one minute, and then enducing near vomiting and tears while images from the Nazi concentration camps come into view 5 minutes later.

If you like any sort of movie that confuses you, makes you sweat as much as the character you're watching or if you just want to catch a glimpse of Leo with his shirt off. Shutter Island is the movie for you.

Does anyone have a band-aid? I tripped again.

It was yet another exciting and adventurous weekend in the life of Drew.

Friday started out as innocent as it can for a weekend night in my life. We were supposed to go to Des Moines for my BFFs birthday party that was originally supposed to happen a month ago, but the bus broke down when it got to us back in January, so we postponed it. AND THEN more STUPID snow struck Friday, so it once again got axed. SO, we were just going to stick around the house and partake in the weekend.

WELL, then a friend suggested we attempt to venture to Des Moines anyway and go on our own adventure, which we did. AND it was fANtAStIc. I would divulge in details, but they're slighty R rated and require you to be 18 or over. Let's just say Flo-Rida's rendition of "Right 'Round" would have been an appropriate song for the evening. ANNNNNND if you're still confused, it probably means you shouldn't know what I'm talking about =).

But then Saturday rolled and it was time for another exciting and wonderful adventure, but alot more G rated.

This weekend I met Barista's family. Whiiiiich was slightly nervous-ing. Like I've previously mentioned, this is my first legitimate relationship,so with that comes never having to meet parentals. So, I was obvi. nervous, wanting to make a good impression and that whole deal.

But it went well. His mom was cute and fun, we played Mario Kart together for like an hour Sunday morning, and his sisters were nice. SO yea. hopefully I got the stamp of approval.

We also watched "Away We Go" which is that new movie with John Krasinski (Jim from the Office) and Maya Rudolph (SNL) and it was really cute. So I recommend that for your netflix que. We also rented "Bruno" which I had heard mixed reviews about. Some people saying it was horrible and offensive-then others telling me I'd love it (knowing that I tend to enjoy offensive,obnoxious humor). It was okay. Nothing horrrrrrible, but nothing that was side splitting halarious either. and that took up our Saturday night.

Sunday, we had lunch with his former professors, who were great. Your typical funny,charasmatic art professors and then we headed home.

THEN Sunday was just chilling out, a nice long nap after we got back and then we watched the Rob Zombie "Halloween" movie. Which was also quite enjoyable. Well as enjoyable as a slasher movie can be. BUT it gave me an excuse you curl up to Barista multiple times =)

Soooo yeah..that was the weekend.

AND I'm contuing to love this Barista kid more and more. And @ times I do that whole mental double check thing and wonder if I'm falling too fast or if I'm letting my imagination run with it or whatever. Since I've been known to do that.

BUT I like to think I'm not. I feel like I'm keeping myself in check with this relationship. It's not like I'm walking around with weDDing bells going off in my head or picturing the little house with the white picket fence...............I'm just saying I'm not completely writing off that possibility anymore.

IDK. The future, especially with relationships is a scary subject to pick up. You want to be optimisitic and think of the best. But you want to be realisitic. Plus it's a self-preservation kinda thing too going on in the back of my head.

For starters, like just mentioned, I don't want to turn into a 16 year old high school girl, where I think my boyfriend is the one I'm meant to be with forever. BUT I would like to think that there is a future with Barista.

But then thinking that scares me. And I don't want to get HoPeFuL and think about these things, specially since it really has only been 6weeks, get in over my head and then get hurt in the end. Not saying he'd do something stupid. I'm just saying, the fork in the road is getting closer within my line of sight.

Come May, what happens? Will I stay in Des Moines? Go to Pennsylvania and work at camp again? Go somewhere else? These could all have impact on things.

Ugh. It's just a whole web of things that's hard to even talk about on here because my mind goes 50 ways with it.

So, I'll probably shutup now. Before I say something stupid. Or waste anymore of your time.

But needless to say. I'm liking what's happening, and I hope the coffee keeps coming....corny? yes. make sense? hopefully. BUT whatever. I'll say what I want ;)

We'll have to pass for right now

Something happened to me for the first time today.

I got denied a job.

Yes, that's right.

As you may recall I had interviewed for a job on Tuesday. The interview was slightly awkward won't lie and at the end of it the interviewer told me.

"Well, I'm going to have you do a second interview with our general manager. I"m kinda on the fence about you still. You seem nice, but I didn't get enough 'sales' from you."

And then he proceeded to tell me how important add ons and "upgrades" are vital to making money when you're a server.

That was the first first. I had always "aced" interviews. And usually got the response "well, I like you. I think you'd be a good fit. Let me check your references and we'll get back to you." Or I was usually just hired then.

This was the first tim I was actually told . "welll.. IDK how I feel about you."

But he said he'd call Thursday and that I might not have to do the second interview and they might just hire me and give me a shot.

WELL, I got the cal ltoday, but instead of getting told they were just going to take a chance, I was told they "had decided to pass. But if I wanted to try again in 6 months I should."

WHHHAAAT!?!

And I apologize if I sound like some arrogant byotch. But honestly, I had never actually been denied a job. So it's a slight shot to my ego.

On top of that, I am a damn good server! I know how to be friendly, keep my cool under pressure and multitask. And so really, it's their loss not mine.

But still it sucks.

And now it kinda worries me.

Is this what I'm going to have to deal with in a few months, when I start looking at the real job market? Am I going to get told I wasn't agressive enough? Or that they're "just going to pass?"

Ugh. I'm not liking this right now.

What's funny is just Tuesday morning one of my professors was talking about the importance of selling ourselves. And how life is selling yourself and etc. etc. AND Then I get told that in my interview later that day.

So, turns out I need to be more agressive. That's always been something I've lacked on to begin with. It's not that I don't care. I just get awkward. And feel slightly douchey. And I don't want to be one of those people that's like that Jenn girl or whatever her name is from American Idol last week. Who got told she wasn't in the top 24 and proceeded to freak out and beg and swear she had it in her.

Nope, not my style.

So, now I have to figure my style out I spose. Become a liiiitle more agressive, but not freaky agressive.

ugh. this sucks. Maybe I'm not ready to grow up and look for jobs. Can I just stay in school forever?

I love you, but I don't have to like you

Sometimes I wonder if I really am a people person.

I like to think I enjoy meeting new people, interacting with people yada yada yada.. BUT there are times where I wonder.

For starters, in all reality, I'm not one to introduce myself to people. I'm horrible at it. I hate "making the first move". It's not that I think I'm some hottie-tottie who should be approached and not have to approach. It's that I always feel awkward doing it. If you come up to me and introduce yourself, I'll be friendly and nice. I just can't introduce myself. PLUS I'm horrible at small talk. HaTe It!

Then there's the fact that some people just annoy me. And I'm not talking about the people that annoy me all the time, the people I'm not friends with and the people that I'd rather just punch in the face and tell them to go away. No, those people don't count. They're already lost causes.

I'm talking about the people that I LOVE on some days and other days they annoy me, for no in particular reason. There's just something that bugs me about them at times and I'd prefer them to go away. It's usually a personality thing, but usually I just want to punch them in the face.......and I feel guilty. Because I have no reason to dislike them when I do. I just do.

I also think my age plays a factor. Especially on weekends. For example, we had a registered party last weekend and if I had the choice, I would've kicked out half the people there. Why?
Because it was either douchey athletes who think they're gods gift to campus. Or turboslut freshmen girls who think wearing short skirts and low tops is going to get them free alochol. AND it annoys me. ALOT. I don't get it. Even though I know I was probably somewhere in that mix 3 years ago.

But yea. that's my rant for the day. I don't like people as much as you think. In fact, there are days I just wish I could punch people and get away with it. I think it'd actually be healthier. Than just bottling it up.

Burlesque dancers, fish and Panama City

SO the V-day was a success.

Barista "surprised" me , and surprised is in quotes because he told me about it on Friday, so it wasn't as surprise on Sunday...but anyway...he surprised me with tickets to the St. Vitus and the Taxi Dancers (which is Des Moines' one and only burlesque troop) show, and it was a really good show. There were some saucy sexy numbers and some cute numbers and it was overall entertaining. Granted, the theatre student in me was little more critical than most with a few thigs..but I liked it. And lets face it. nothing says "I Love You" like a boyfriend taking his boyfriend to watch girls dance in their panties....jk..but really, it was fun, and obvi not your typical date for the big V-Day.

And I sucessfully avoided getting him anything sterotypical or disgustingly cheesy...at least I hope. I got him a fish. A big ol black one. the kind with the big eyes. I can't think of the technical name, but hopefully you know what i'm talking about.

Here, this is what it looks like:

Because his other fish, Harriet, had died last week. We decided this one was a boy and named it Jules Winnfield (like after Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction).

I'm slightly worried the things going to croak since I have the WORST luck with fish. But I'm hoping that maybe because it's technically his, the fish will survive....we'll see.


I did get him chocolate though. But not the stupid,sterotypical, overpriced and overdone box of heart chocolate. Just a simple giant bar of Hershey's with Almonds (PS can I pull a Kim Kardashian here and get 10grand for name dropping, even though its not a tweet...its still a mention and I'm on the same level as her, aren't I?) Since that's one of his favorites.

So yea, overall a pretty fantastic v-day. Granted, I don't have any to really compare it to. BUT I liked it.alot.

We also went to a movie on Friday and saw "When In Rome" which was an adorable little slightly lovey-dovey chick flick. Yes, I am one of those gays that likes chick flicks.........But actually it wasn't too bad as far as "chick flicks" go. Annnnnnnnd while he was silently complaning, he's not a fan of those types of movies. He still went with me =). BUT, he can SHHHH anyway, I went to Daybreakers-which was that horrible movie where the world as all vampires and they farmed humans for blood with him awhile ago. So, NOW we're even.. and if he's reading this..THATS RIGHT I SAID IT!

In other news...

I got a B+ on the advertising test I was freaking out about last week. So HORRAY to me. I was really thinking I had scraped by with a C, so I was more than happy with that grade!

Annnd I still hate winter and it's continuing to snow.

Screw you Iowa.



1 month til Panama City!!!!

In which I epically fail

So,

I was thinking the other day. It's something I do alot of. And I got to thinking about my NYE resolutions and how I have EPICALLY failed at keeping theme.

As a reminder here's what they were:

• Give Up some vices
  
• Workout
  
• Become $$ responsible
  
• Do what I say I'm going to
  
• Do a random act of kindness everyday

1) Give Up Some Vices-okay, so I've actually succeed in this one. I'm not doing some of the stupid crap I used to and I feel about myself for that.

2)Workout-hahaha. The only time I've set foot in Cowles since returning to Simpson is either during an admissions tour or to watch a basketball game =( And I can't even use the busy excuse. I have plenty of time I could get in there and workout, I just don't think about it. I keep telling myself I'll get to it again. But we shall see. I'd still like to. I hate being a scrawny little twink.

3)Become $$ responsible- this one is a toss up. I like to think I'm not as randomly spending as I used to, but I still pry buy things I shouldn't. I think what is also the problem is I have yet to find a part time job. i would be A-OK on things if I was actually working. I've partially attempted to find a PT job but really didn't try as well as I should've..SOOOO I went job hunting today and we'll see how that pans out. The thing is, I get picky. I'm used to being a server and I love that job. Cash at the end of every night and you usally make good$$$. So It's hard to go work a minumum wage job at The Gap or a gas station. Which PS, a big THANKS 4 NOTHING to them. I "re-interviewed" with them in like beginning of January ( I had worked there for over a year back in junior year, but had to leave at the beginning of '09) and the girl was all "okay great, I'll get back to you soon and we'll get you started again. "BUT I've heard nothing. SO I don't want anything to do them. Their loss. I was a great employee! So yea. If I can get a job again, I know I'll be fine!

4) Do what I say I'm going to-ummm...idk about this one either...I don't really know if there's much I've said "okay, this is a new goal". Which maybe is an issue. I don't know. I spose you could say I fail at this one too..ugh..whateve

5)Do a random act of kindness- This one is harder than I thought. I spose it depends on your definition of random act of kindness. If it's just smiling at someone or holding a door open, I'm good. But if you want more from me. well, lo siento. I fail.

I like too, how I swore when I wrote my original blog about these goals back in 2009. I thought 2010 would be different and I'd accomplish them..hahaha...I sounded like some college freshman, bright eyed and bushy tailed. And have since obviously failed..horribly and epically..but that's reallllly nothing new.

eh.oh well.

In other news....

Tomorrow's valentines day. I'm supposed to be spending it with Barista, obvi. BUUUT right now apparenty it is supposed to snow...again..a big EF you to that too...Iowa is now historical, 60+ days with more than 4inches of snow on the ground. SCREW THAT! Ugh..I freakin' hate winter more than I hate obvious closet cases. But hopefully it works out. He got us tickets to this Burlesque show thats going on in DSM..which should be fun, I've heard good things about the troupe..

I'm also currently trying to think of a fantastic costume for a party I have to be at in an hour. The theme is "future" and i have no clue..its too broad..i'll pry go and go with something scandy.. I usually do..it's what gets the best responses..and like everyone says.. I'm fuckin' drew. I'll do what I want.

speaking of..i need to go..so I can do this outfit thing.

ciao

Conflict of Interest

Okay. So technically I doubt conflict of interest is the correct term, but I am currently facing a personal conflict of sorts.

Here's the deal, as we all know this Sunday is Valentine's Day aka: singles awareness day.

Well, for the first time ever, I will NOT be single on Valentine's Day. And I'm not quite sure what to do.

And I know that sounds awkward, so, time out before your judge and let me explain.

Anyway. Today, as I was walking across campus, dreading my advertising test and thinking of what else I needed to do, v-day came into my mind and I started to brainstorm what I wanted to do for Barista. I've had a few ideas, but won't share them on here because he reads the blog and I don't want to ruin the surprise. But I want it to be something "different" I guess. Not your typical cards and flowers and that. Something that'd be funny. Something he'd like. And I kind of got excited about the idea.,about being able to do something special for my special someone. sidenote: I know that almost sounds slightly disgustingly sentimental..but eh..oh well...

And here's where the conflict comes in.

Up until now I've had pretty much an abhorence for the "holiday," probably because I've always been single.but whatever. There' still a part of me that just doesn't get it. I don't understand why we have to have one special day to show our significant others that we adore them, shouldn't we do that all the time?

To me it's almost like a pissing match with ourselves and even our "lovers". Competing with ourselves to show how much and big we can show we appreciate our boyfriend/girlfriend.
Then you have the couples who just buy the card and their box of chocolates because they feel like they have to. OR you have the needy person who expects to get catered to on V-Day, even though their partner probably spoils them the other 364 days of the year.

So yea, there's part of me that doesn't want to succomb to this whole notion of Valentine's Day.

BUT then there's the hopeless romantic in me who wants to do something for Barista,surprise him (even though that element now may be gone if he reads this) and let him know how I feel besides the normal things I say.

And I should also point out at this time now, is as far as I go, I don't care. I'm not expecting anything from the barista or hoping he does something cute and sweet. Really, I just want to hang out with him for a day again. We probably haven't gotten to spend a decent amount of time together since I've gotten back to school. Thanks to my crazy schedule, his busy work schedule and etc.I really don't know the last time we've spent more than 3 hours in one solid chunk together and it sucks. SO, that's what I'd like for the big day. Legitimate time with my boyfriend =).

So, yea... I'll let you know what happens.

MAYBE it's you...not everyone else

Consider this your warning. The following blog may contain material and statements that offends, particularly if you happen to be of a minority group. I'm here to tell you NOW that I DON'T CARE if it does. And chances are, if you do get offended, it's because you are one of the people I am talking about. AND if it doesn't offend you, well then, happy reading.

Okay, so here's my take on issues that are related to minorities. Whether its due to gender,skin,color, sexual orientation etc. Through the experiences I've either had first hand ,witnessed or heard about, it is my belief that often times these issues of getting the shaft because you're {insert minority here} is bullshit.

Yep. I just said that. I think that most of the time people play the minority card too quickly and too easily and if you took a step back and looked at the situation you would see that you're probably the person at fault, not the white middle class male you're hating on.

YES, there are still unfortunate incidents where legitmate racism/heterosexism/sexism are occuring and I recognize that, and I am just as angry about the injustice as you are, but I think those times often times are less in number than the "supposed" ones.

Take for instance this kid on campus. He's a tool. He's cocky,douchy and walks around like he's a gift to SC. 9am to 3pm when he's in class he's a well dressed,well spoken, somewhat competant person. But after 5pm, he's a overly large brightly colored shirt wearing, pants halfway down his ass toten, sideways hat,fake swagger struttin individual. WTF!? This individual often calls the race card, when really its for the aformentioned reasons people hate on him.

In addition, I recently heard about an incident where residents of a campus housing unit were playing their music way too loud at midnight,which is designated "quiet hours". This wasn't the first time it has happened, it happens nightly. Well, the neighbor went to the CA and complained. When the CA asked the accused party to quiet down the residents got pissed, went to the dean of students who works with the minority students on campus and complained. Now, CA's are afraid to enforce the rules that everyone else has to live by, with persons of a minority, because they've been told to be careful. Since apparently, enforcing the rules on a room of students blaring music at 12am is racism.

Women are the same way. No, actually you're not getting the shaft because you're a woman, you're getting it because you're underqualified, can't meet work expectations.

And even the gays. Shut up. And I'll admit I am guilty of it at times. But no one really gives a shit or thinks about your sexuality. You're getting made fun of because your acting like a d-bag.

I think if minorities just shut up and lived their lives like we expect everyone else to, we would be A-OK. There wouldn't be issues.

I actually feel bad for the white, middle class, heterosexual man. He's the one that gets hated on. He can't make a sexist comment because then he's a machoistic pig. Makes a comment about blacks and he's racist and uses the term gay he's homophobic. GET OVER IT!

We all live into our sterotypes lets get real. We all admit it and we make fun ourselves for it, so why can't others? And if you want to get technical, they're the ones that made up the jokes and names for us, so shouldn't they have dibs on using them?

I'm not a racist. I believe in equal opportunity for everything and etc. and I know that there still is legitimate issues with payment in the workplace and stuff like that. But people need to quit making such a fuss and live and let live.

Then maybe, we would get along.

Silly Brain, don't you know how to keep quiet?

I consider myself a pretty confident person. I'm outgoing,friendly and know how to carry on a conversation. I have no problem taking charge in group work and I love when assignments let me present in class. I know how to laugh at myself, look forward to job interviews and love being on stage.

But like most "confident" people, I have a very "non confident" side. Especially when it comes to relationships.

For some reason boys are one of the issues that i am not at all confident in. Like I said when first introducing you to Barista, I didn't chat him up originally because I'm a big wimp. I fear rejection and always expect the worst when I start hanging out with a guy.

And while things with Barista are quite a bit different than my previous attempts at relationships, I still find alot of the questions that plauge the back of my mind, still there, rotting away.

The biggest thing is cheating. I blame this on "1".

"1" to tell you the whole story and history of my relationship with 1 would take way too long, and maybe i'll talk about that another day. But I'll do my best to give you a cliff notes version.

1 was my best friend freshman year. He was the kid I could go to anything about and I 100% trusted him. We fell in love, HC style. I was madly, head over heels, madly in love with this kid. Well, we were both living on campus for the summer and one weekend I had "on-call" duty. So i couldn't leave campus. He wanted to go out and so he went up to DSM and went out with our friend A. Well, come to find out, after he drunkly admits to me a few weeks later. He actually didn't stay at A's when he was up in DSM he slept with J, a guy that I used to hang out with earlier in the year. And while there's a whole lot more baggage that goes with it, this was pretty much the catalyst for my ever present fear that any guy I date is going to drop a similar bomb on me.

WELL, fast foward to today. I'm sitting in my room, doing my own thing and my phone rings. I don't recognize the number and I answer, and the conversation went a little something like this:

Z: "umm...hi...is this Drew"
me: "yea..."
Z: "well, I don't you know.....but...well, I wanted to let you know I slept w/ Barista"

*insert sinking heart, jaw drop, adrenaline pump through the veins here*

me: "um...well, okay....."
Z:" I'm really sorry...i know you don't know me..but I just found out about you and i didn't think it was right and I wanted you to know'
me (struggling for words): "okay.well...how did you meet him"
Z: "we met at the Saddle (one of the gay bars in DSM) and things hit off and we've been sleeping together for awhile."
Me: "........okay......"
Z: "Dude..I'm sorry.. I know its not right..but i wanted you to know...he's player..he's playing you and he's playing me"
me: (10 seconds from the breakdown) " okay..............well.......thanks....i guess..."
and I hang up.

My body still wasn't sure how to react....my hands were shaking, the tears were beginning to fall and I just didn't know what to do. My body was pretty much numb and I didn't know what was going on. I was confused.

I pick up the phone and attempt to begin to dial Barista .Adrenaline taking over and me just wanting to confront the issue immediatly.

Enter B, C and T.

"we're sorry. it was us, it was a joke, don't call Baritsa".

The assholes has called me as a prank. I didn't have B's number in my phone, so it was him that called and they were fuckin' messing with me.

Relief swept over and I wanted to punch the stupid bitches in the face.

But yea...when i first heard that barista was "sleeping" with Z my heart dropped...and the first thing that went through my mind was

"oh fuck. of course".

And not because I don't trust Barista. It has nothing to do with that.

It was because once again I thought my worst fear had come true and what made it worse is because it was someone that I was beginning to fall in love with. And it was made apparent to the guys too.

After they confessed that it was them and they walked in on me; phone in hand, tears in the eyes, T was like " wow, you really do care about him."

So yea. I felt bad too. For even thinking that maybe it was true. Even though if I would have listened better and thought quicker on my feet I would've known that things didn't match up. For starters, Barista hates the gay bars.

And I can tell you that there was some questioning in the back of my mind. 1) how did he get my number and 2) gays are sometimes crazy and maybe it's just some bitter ex or person he rejected. But that was dismissed by the overwheling other feelings that were going on.

But yea. IDK..I trust him and I love him, that's right...I said LOVE...and while I'm not "in love". I think there's a difference. He is someone I love. He's fun, cute, caring and somehow manages to deal with me when I'm being an angry whiney bitch,drunken idiot and needy and attention beggy. Which I know takes alot. SO, he's someone I want to keep around for awhile.

But for some stupid reason my second guessing with issues like that won't leave me alone. AND it happens when our textual conversations suddenly end or if he doesn't text back in awhile. My mind begins to wander, "why isn't he texting" "did I say something" etc etc etc.

And it all annoys me. I don't want to be that guy and while I do have a good handle on it and can do a decent job on keeping myself in check, the reality is it's still there. AND I don't want it to be.

Soooo yea. I hate my brain. It still overthinks way too much, I don't know why it won't shutup and let me be happy. Even though Barista has done a good job of getting to calm down alot more than it is in the past, it still overthinks a little too much.

BUT that's the update of sorts.

We're still together =), its actually been a little over a month already. Which, for anyone that knows me, is quite a big deal.

But yea. things are going good and I feel like they will for awhile. AND this will be my first ever NON SINGLE valentines day. But it really hasn't changed my feelings about the day. I still think it's a big stupid "celebration". I'd rather buy him things and spoil him some random day during the year, why should Hallmark and the chocolate companies tell me when it should be?


So, yea. Hopefully the brain will shutup and let me be. That'd be nice.

I'm Not Dead

Okay, so sorry..kind of fell off the face of the blogging planet for a few days and I really don't have an excuse....well sorta..

Life has somehow managed to become just as busy as it has been for me the previous 3 years of my life; with classes, meetings, etc etc. etc. something I was thinking was finally NOT going to happen this semester. But I'm hoping it was a one-off week and things will get back to my "new" normal ASAP.

But anyway. yea. This week was legit crazy busy. between starting the internship-which has been fantastic. my normal weekly meetings w/ CAB and SGA. Plus a preliminary planning meeting for Campus Day (this really big campus wide event that happens every year). I had to go to 2 faculty meetings this last week, because a committe is now trying to pass some BS assesment program that would totally screw over the students. Then there was Board of trustees all day Friday. Annnnd that may be about it. ..but yea.. Wednesday I was literally in meetings,classes or other responsibility type things from 11am til about 10pm...

And usually I don't really mind, but this week it's just really bugged me and I was a cranky stress case most of the week and IDK why. It's nothing new, it's the way my life has been since pry about sophomore year, so i'm not sure why it was such a drain this week. i think it's because 1) i didnt really see it coming. I thought life was finally really calm and non busy and lazy and then BAM! I was on the go-go-go...and it threw me off...and then getting thrown off threw me off even more .because I was getting stressed and pissed that I was stressed and pissed....the same things happens with boy issues...I get upset, and then I get upset, I'm upset, because I have no reason to be upset to begin with (but ps..no boy issues currently..i'll explain in a few mins).

So yea..and then this week looks about to be the same. I have the "big" faculty meeting on Tuesday where they are going to attempt to vote on this proposed program, my normal 5 meeting Wednesday, and then the Iowa College Media Conference Thursday and Friday, some leadership retreat on Friday and Saturday, our 2nd annual Simpson's Got Talent on Saturday and then I THINK Sunday should be a rest day.

BUUUUT enough of me bitching about my schedule. I really do like it most of the time, its just a bit annoying at times.

In a boy update...Barista is still fantastic,ike amazingly fantastic.....i kinda feel like a dork when I talk about it..but its one of those, it just feels right type of relationships.haha.idk....i've just never actually had one,this is my first legit relationship ever and so its kinda scary, because I like the kid....alot......and so now its like, if for some stupid god forsaken reason things fail. It'll be rough,like I've said before, I'm a theatre kid @ heart SO I can get a bit dramatic specially when it comes to boys ask anyone I know....so yea...but he's quickly climbing my favorite people list.And what's even better is the brothers like him too and they now threaten that they like him better than me....

(and by brothers I mean my fraternity brothers that mean the world to me and they're the people I'm closest to in my life, and their opinions are the ones that weigh the most)

So that gets him points....except when he joins in with them when they pick on me, which happens alot....

But yea..he's cute...like really cute.....and he's a slight dork..which I like...he's a graphic designer, and a video game nerd....which I know doesn't automatically qualify a person to be a dork, BUT he knows it...he self proclaims it actually...

But I digress...i'm turning into one of those people that raves about their boyfriend too much..someone I would pry normally want to punch in the face...and so I should pry shutup...but whatever.....and he's pry reading this too...and so I'd like to tell him he better not get a big head over this or I'll punch him ( well I'll probably have to have someone punch him, i've already tried and he's stronger than me :( )

but this blog is getting long and if you're attention span is as long as mine, you've probably already left the computer 3 different times to do other things or checked your facebook,twittered and maybe checked into 4square. So I shall peace out and hopefully get back to you a little sooner than this time!