Everything Happens For A Reason

Holy wow...can't believe its already 2010! This year has actually been quite amazing and it's scary to believe its essent gone.

But anyway.I'm actually going to SAVE my review of the year/goals for 2010 until a later date. I have something more important to share.

Okay, as you may recall with my last post.. I was slightly overanaylzing/ overthinking/ oVerStReSSing about a stupid boy who wasn't responding to texts etc....and he still hasn't...so I moved on....but had the usual feeling you get after rejection...what'd I do..what's wrong with me? maybe I just suck at life and am destined to be single forever. etc. etc. etc.

WELL, rewind a little bit...

There's a realllly cute barista at this coffee shop I go to in East Village when I volunteer for One Iowa. Well, turns out, Drew's a WIMP and doesn't ever approach people; I'm too AwKwaRd/majorly fear rejection. SO I never really said much to him beyond the "20oz of the dark roast......please...thank you." etc.

WELLL....on Tuesday he (well call him Barista Boy) added me to facebook..saying he worked with C, a girl I go to SimpCo with. We ended up chatting on fbook for a bit in the afternoon and it was good convo. Just random talk...

Well, then last night I was busy @ DSMsocialclub all night setting up for the New Year's Bash (which is going to ROOOOCK ps!)! But he asked if I wanted to come over and hang out.

So,when I finally got done setting up, I went over and it was FUN. We watched Jesus Camp..HOLY WOW movie PS! Def cray-cray!!! I suggest watching it if you haven't!

So yea, we had lunch today and it's been FuNNNN!

But it's just funny...Barista Boy is way cooler than P. He's cute, easy to talk to, artsy and smart. Likes alot of the same RaNdoM movies & books I do.......and yea..I'm diggin him so far...

And if P would have called or texted back.,I would not have been hanging out with Barista Boy. Who like I said, is WAY BETTER than stupid P..

so yea...I would like to THANK P for being a jerk and lets hope that I see Barista Boy tonight...MAAAAYBE @ midnight =)

Happy New Years everyone!!!

Be safe!!!!

Dear Senses

Dear Senses,

I'm not quite sure what happened, but I seemed to have lost you at some point this last week.

As you recall, we were still together when I met that adorable,smart and seemingly fun guy on Saturday at the birthday party. AND you were still with me Sunday, after he left and even Monday, but that's the last time I saw you.

Since then I've kind of been a slight hott mess and I need you back. We both know that I can be a bit of an overanalyzer when it comes to this new guy stuff, so you see why I really need you back right now.

See, with you gone, I've stressed about this kid a liitttle too much.

I don't know if you remember, but Sunday he asked to hang out on Monday. WELL, Monday came and he texted and said he couldn't because he got busy at the gym coaching and needed to get to bed early. But asked if was free in a "coupla days".

I think you were still with me at that point because I said "okay, yea, I should be". And that was that.

Well, since then I have yet to hear from him and its starting to actually really bug me and I can tell you got lost,because I'm overanalyzing/stressing/thinking about it way too much than is healthy.

I understand that this has been a busy holiday week and he's probably been busy with family this and family that. But my mind is still questioning.

I mean, he also mentioned Sunday that he had asked Pocket about me, which to me would ential interest, especially if he's telling me he talked to someone else....right?

PLUS, we talked for over 2 hours at the party. When he totally could have brushed me off and went and visited with the other people he came with and knew. He also mentioned to me that he isn't one for talk with people that bore/don't interest him. ANNNND he was the one that suggested a movie after the party....so yea...IDK...

And granted I've still been smart enough to NOT be one of those crazies that text/call everyday and even multiple times a day. I have left him alo for the most part, with just a HELLO "Happy Holidays" text on Thursday..............with no response.

So yea, senses. I'm really confused. I'm not sure what to think about this issue and I'm giving it way too much thought and time. When I should just let it be and see what happens. But it's not happening that way.

AND as you can tell, I probably sound like one of those CRAZZZY gays that fall waaay to fast, and get too attached and emtional and all that but we both know I have good balance and I'm generally not......and that while I still tend to be a bit dramatic on ocassion, for the most part. I'm sensible about this type of stuff.

Once again, I'm blame the holidays for it...

BUT Yeeaah

IF you would please come back to me, I'm sure I would be thinking a little less and a little clearer about this issue....I would calm down a bit, and I wouldn't be so worked up and I could be a little more pleasant again.

Thanks so much!

-Drew

PS-senses, if you have any ideas as to what is going on..ie: is this kid still interested and just busy. Or has he lost interest and I need to shutup and get over it. Please provide that information when you return.

Stuck in Limbo

The next week always feel like LiMbO to me.

Those 7 days inbetween X-Mas and New Year's Eve

Not quite sure what to do, what to think, what to say.

I'm relieved that the holidays are over.

Gone is the StreSsS of gift getting. Of making sure I wear the appropriate smile when the last bit of wrapping paper falls off and I'm presented with the fruits of my mother's shopping labors, doing her best to try and find me a gift that she can SURPRISE me with. something I didn't ask for, but she thought I'd like. Me, not wanting to disappoint or hurt her and lead her to believe I don't appreciate it....but luckily, my mom usually does a pretty good job and so fake smiles and sincere but false " I love its" aren't necessary.

Now comes the post holiday Bloating. The muffin top and heavy stomach from way too many gatherings with plates of food PUSHED upon me like escort cards in Las Vegas. And I vow to run, but not today. I'm too tired. or it's too cold.....Tomorrow. Tomorrow sounds good. and the cycle continues until the next post-Christmas season.

Now's the time to wallow in the misery of singledom. Where with cruel irony the only movies I want to watch are the romantic comedies........in particular, Love Actually. Now's the time where I feel left out that I didn't get to shop for my beloved boyfriend or his family, or kiss him under the Mistletoe.

It's a time of reflection. To look back @ the year see what happened. Think about what made me HaPpY...what pissed me off...what I could have done. What I should have done. What I'm glad I did....and the "What Ifs..."

It's time to look at the year AHEAD. Time to set those goals I already know I'm never going to accomplish. Goals I'll set with good intentions and the desire to exceed, while already feeling gUiLtY about them. Knowing that in 3 weeks they'll be as good as forgotten. Something put on the ever expanding "To-Do list" for a rainy day.

BUT This year I feel DifFeReNt. This year I feel like I may really conquer those goals, that these "I shoulds" will turn into "I DIDs". I'm AM excited for 2010.Which is scary, considering in 5 short months I will no longer be a college student. And, I'll be a grown up in a "grown up" & harsh world. But for some reason I eagerly await the dropping of that Times Square Ball. Hoping for a new beginning. A send off into my final semester. A send off into the UnKnOwn, something I'm beginning to welcome.

BUT, I do approach NYE with a twinge of apprehension.........am I going to get that *kiss*? Am I going to have another person to share that "magical" second with. Or will I be stuck throwing confetti and blowing a noisemaker, while everyone around me locks lips.

This time of year is always a tricky one. And 2009 is no different.......but it is. Now more than ever I eerily and EaGerLy await the New Year. Excited to see what may happen. While still trying to shake off that bitter Bite of loneliness that seems to take over during the holiday season.

And so it begins. The 7 day tread of life. As I look back and reflect, look forward and enVision, and wonder what is going to happen next.

5 Things I DON'T like about the Holidays

I am probably one of those people that any Christmas Caroling, Christmas dEcoRatioNs up in November, pee your pants at the first sight of SnOw, type people love to hate.

I am not a fan of the holiday season. And while I'm not scrooge or the Grinch, trying to destory hopes,dreams and the Christmas Spirit, I am someone who doesn't get eXcitEd for it and would rather it be all said and done.

I'm not sure why either. I've just never been a fan of the holiday. Maybe it's because my family's never been one of those, lets all get together open presents and play games type of families. And it's not like Santa continually skiPPed me as a child, I always got the Christmas presents. It could also maybe be that my birthday is so close to the holiday and so that has jipped me a few times. OR maybe it's because its during my least favorite season and is associated with snow , something I despise.....anyway, I'm not a fan.

And while this holiday season doesn't cause me to DrInK more or try to hang myself with tinsel, there are a few things that seem to pop up during this time period, that do drive me nuts.

1. Hearing HAPPY HOLIDAYS at the end of every converstion, every restaurant and every single store I either walk into or leave, starting at the end of November and lasting until January.......I know it's the holidays. Thanks for reminding me. like the christmas music, decorations and crowded parking lots weren't enough of a reminder.
   
2. CHRISTMAS MUSIC...I think this anti-warm fuzzy feeling stems from my history in retail, and hearing the same cd on REPEAT for weeks! on end, you get tired of it quite easily. And when your job in admissions only plays lite 104.1 starting December 1st, who likes to play ONLY Christmas music and it tends to be all the Christmas music nO oNe likes, come December 25, I'm usually ready to stab my ears out with CaNdY CaNeS!!!
   
3. Christmas break......hold the phone. I LOVE the break from school. I love not having classes or meetings or any other number of responsibilities. What I DON'T love is getting stuck at home, where there's nothing to do and I'm left twiddling my thumbs for a month.
   
4. The StReSsSs....stress is abound during the holidays. The traffic that happens at the mall. The CrOwDs that happen in stores. The stress of trying to find that perfect gift for that perfect someone.etc etc etc. But really, my stress comes from getting gifts! Yep , i hate getting presents. I always feel bad and gulity. Like I don't deserve them. No matter who its from. Whether its Santa, mom,dad, sisters or friends. I would much rather NOT get presents. Giving gifts is no problem! I LOVE doing my best to make someone happy and let them know I appreciate them. There's just something aWkWArD I have about getting them.
   
5. The reminder I am once again alone and single. This kinda ties in with #4. But every Christmas I get slightly depressed again. Knowing I don't get to try and find that special someone a present or kiss them under the mistletoe. And it doesn't help that most Christmas movies are about looove, and those Christmas movies are now on repeat on any tv station.
   

So yea. This is probably just the TIP of the iceberg, but I don't feel like going on forever.

Needless to say, I'm ready for it to be January 1st. I'm ready for it to be over ANNNND done! And we can go back to our normal lives, where I'm not dealing with CrAzY crowds, annoying music or present stress.

Excuse Me While I Blog This Out

dating...oohh dating...

I could probably write a blog everyday for the rest of forever about dating....its positives. its negatives. why I Can'T stand it. Why I still attempt it. Is it worth it? Should I give up? How I've managed to kiCKed in the face 9 times out 10 when attempting. and the list could continue.

As of right now, I'm not dating. It's not that I don't want to. I just haven't managed to find anyone "dateable" in awhile. And in all reality; I've yet to have a single legitimate relationship.

While I did finally have something with someone for a few months early this fall, retrospectively, I don't consider it a "real relationship". In the beginning I thought it would work, we met 1 week before I left for Pennsylvania for my summer job and I thought that would be perfect timing for me to actually do my best and not JUMP the gun or get over my head in something. So we managed to talk almost everyday for the entire summer which I took as a good sign. I got back, we hung out a couple more times, but he had to leave for school out of state......

Sooo, I thought. If we managed to talk all summer, certianly we can manage being 3 hours away from eachother AND we decided to become "facebook official". WELL, after about a month, I got BOrED & tired of it. I didn't like this long distance thing, and felt stupid for trying to start a relationship with someone I had in all actuality hung out with 3 maybe 4 times. So, we called it OFF... On top of that he was only 19 and it showed at times. So, that relationship is considered "annuled" in the book of Drew.

I should also mention as of now "dating" is used rather loosly and could be defined as "hanging out on more than one ocassion on a regular basis, with or without verbal mention of a possible future relationship."

For me this "dating" has always been somewhat of a challenge. A game of give and take. Either he likes me and I don't like him. Or I'm liking him and he loses interest in me. Or even, we both have a mutual interest and things would probably work great BUT we live too far away from eachother and so nothing can happen.

And while I have a feeling everyone feels the same way, in my case; 98.56% of the time, it's the first issue that I find happening. I like him and he has no interest in me. I like to think that I'm a normal,sane, charasmatic, attractive individual who most people would be HaPpY to date, but apparently I'm wrong. And I do my best ( and think I manage ) to not be one of those crazy daters that text and call way too much. IDK what this issue is.

But anyway, yes. There is a point all this backstorying and rambling.

The point is,I think there should be a way to streamline this dating process and make it alot EASIER..... Like, a dating resume or survey card that you can trade with someone you find to be of interest.

Something simple.

Something that states your:

• interests
• likes & dislikes
• stats
• brief dating history
• quirks
• dreams
• 5 year plan
• how many children you want
• at what age you'd like to be married
• any other useful information

AND THEN...... at the bottom has a

• YES OR NO checkbox

just like in a grade school note.

That way, when you exchange numbers or talk about hanging out or going out on a date. You don't have to StReSSS about why he hasn't responded or called yet, because you already know if there's a legitimate interest or not.

I also wish that all this over thinking and analyzing I have managed to do in the dating world, would have made itself useful in my education world. If I would have attempted to think and analyze the ethics of gloabization, half has much as I do why or why not a guy hasn't called what he meant when he said that, I would have been a 4.0 student.

sooo...yea, this has been the thought eating at me today......"why can't dating be easier?"

Is there a reason I'm wondering this? YEP, but I don't feel like sharing yet...;-)

We're Gonna Party Like It's My Birthday....

Okay, it actually was my birthday on Friday and it was spent in a pretty non-traditional way...at least for it being my birthday.

As usual my birthday fell right after finals, which is always nice. It means no stress and I'm free to do whatever because I don't have to worry about classes,tests, etc.

Well, for this birthday I decided to go and visit the great north of Iowa. One of my bffs from the house is from there and he invited a group of us to go and visit and hang out for a day.

The party started Thursday night, and we went to a good 'ol fashioned 1-A High school basketball game. ha ha..it was horrible and brought back good memories...the score at the end of the 1st quarter of the girls' game was 27-1 (and that ONE point was scored in the last 5 seconds!). The mens game was a little more interesting. But of course, as usual at small town sporting events. The real entertainment comes from the politican-esque parents. You know...the parents who yell and shout about things, pretending to know whats going on....when really they have no clue and they make no sense. Yea, that was the parents at this basketball game. Shouting that the girl fouled the other girl, when they didn't even come in contact, calling "over the back" when the girls were back2back...etc etc. etc. The best part of the evening was when a dad got kicked out, when he wasn't the one yelling..it was the 70 year old grandpa behind him being inappropriate.

But anyway... the game provided quite a bit of entertainment and it was nice to see another small town shady HS, almost as bad as mine.

Friday was where the exciting things happened that would surprise anyone who knew me.

We started at the pig farm...yep, we got suited up and went and played in the hog confinements and it was entertaining....For starters, I wasn't even the "pig farm virgin" that was our friend Brett who grew up in California....but it was still something I didn't do a whole lot of growing up since dad just farmed crops, not livestock...and even the crops I never touched....

So, we played in the pig pens, trying to ride them, yelling and running, watching them jump all over eachother. It was pretty entertaining...even though we reeked like pig the rest of the day.

After that we busted out the heavy artilary and hit the shooting range.....and by shooting range, I mean the milk jugs and gatorade bottles we set up on snow drifts in the back of Stiches's yard. Once again, I had actually shot a gun in my lifetime, so I wasn't as scared about shooting it. It was everyone else, watching me shoot who were scared for all our lives. BUT I shot a few guns (including an AR-15) and put some holes in things......... mostly snowdrifts......BUT i did hit a couple jugs. =)

AND that was the exciting-ness of the birthday...I went home after that, had dinner with the family and all that warm-fuzzy type stuff...and proceeded to play with "animals" at the Zoo in town with some friends..

So overall, it was a VERY sucessful birthday. Very chill, very manly, and very something that you wouldn't expect me to do..but it was fun...and it was spent with awesome ppl.....so yea..

until Next time.

I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral

I finally experienced something this weekend that I knew was eventually inevitable, but I didn't want it to happen none the less. I had my grandpa's funeral. The first funeral I've had to attend of a family member.

But here's the deal.

We really weren't that close. not at all in fact. All my memories of grandpa consist of him sitting in his chair at home, while grandma took care of him. And then when I was in junior high, he got placed in a nursing home because grandma had gotten in a car wreck and so she was laid up for a few weeks and so she couldn't take care of him and he just stayed there and slowly went downhill. So, really I don't have any storybook/movie quality memories of my grandfather. NOT that they didn't happen, I've found plenty of photos that attest that they did. BUt they just happened too early for me to distinctly remember. So, while it is rather unfortunate that I can't look back and smile on good memories with grandpa. The honest and maybe somewhat morbid truth , is that it has made this process a whole lot easier.

We all knew it was coming though. The last month we had seen him in and out of the hospital and everytime it was the same thing. "well, he could go tonight. He could go next month" so we knew it was edging closer and when we got the call Wednesday morning, it was one of those "yea, he's in a better place now."

Through this whole process I really felt kind of bad actually. There were no tears, there was no empty sense of loss. It was simply a factual thing. Grandpa had died. And as the hugs and "I'm so sorry's" and the questions of "How are you doing?" began, I felt bad ,because I was A-OK fine.

It continued even at the visitation, my cousins, and older of my two younger sisters were all along the same line with it. We sat and conversed and joked about things like normal. And shared how we were all sad that Francis had passed, but didn't have any major emotional memories to really upset us.

But eventually the tears did come and I knew they would, at the funeral. I knew that when I saw my grandma crying or my dad tear up, I knew I would. And it happened. But it wasn't til the end of the funeral. When they had fufilled my grandpa's request he had made early on in life to have "bridge over troubled water" played at his funeral. That's when I cried. And when we were at the gravesite and the American Legion handed my grandma the flag and they thanked her for his years of serive in the korean conflict. And when I saw the tears fall down the face of my dad. My big tough, farming, jock, of a man who was your typical dude's dude who didn't show emotion or cry. And when I saw my two baby sisters crying. That's when I cried and I felt better. Knowing that I wasn't completely devoid of human emotion. But I also think what got me going was knowing that at some point, hopefully a long long way down the road, but at some point. I would be burying grandma or my dad and that's what really hit me. Because I know when that time comes, I will most definitally be one hott mess.

So, while this weekend had an overcast of gloom. It was actually a nice weekend. I got to all my Riebhoff family and 90% of it was spent laughing and joking. Which is good, because even though I don't have that many memories, I know that's they my grandpa would have wanted it.

So I'm cheating a little...

I'm slightly cheating with this "blog". This is an older article I wrote for the school paper awhile back. But some recent events made me think of it and so I thought I would share.

As an active member on Simpson's campus, I tend to notice what's going on. Each new year, I notice the changes that occur with the entering of a new class and the leaving of an old and the one thing that seems to stay the same.

There is an epidemic that somehow continues to plague our campus and effect the students.

Students with this plague seem to suffer from the following symptoms: the willingness to complain about the actions of student organizations without offering any advice as to what said student organizations could do instead; and a problem with the lack of school spirit, while their attendance at school events is minimal at best. Most victims have the ability to make students who are actually trying to change things, sometimes wonder why we even try.

An example that comes to mind is a recent purchase by the student government association. Members of SGA felt that the purchase of name tags would help us market ourselves better as an organization to not only the campus, and also come in useful when representing Simpson at other events. The cost for the name tags was right around $200, and some students were upset and complained that spending $200 on name tags was a horrible idea. However, the students offered no suggestion as to how we could better allocate the money.

My theory when it comes to complaining or talking about how something isn't working is that you should at least have a suggestion to take its place. Don't complain if you aren't willing to work to make a change.

Most students fail to realize that we are rather fortunate at Simpson. We have faculty, staff and administrators willing to listen to us. They are working hard to make Simpson a good experience for us and yet everyone still sits back and doesn't care. Then something happens and everyone gets upset and causes a fuss about it, but they don't care enough to actually try and do something about it.

Another big thing you hear everyone on campus talk about is the lack of school spirit Simpson College possesses and it slightly confuses me. I hear all these students complaining that no one goes to the game, no one has school spirit and no one cares. People talk about how more students need to go to this and that, but don't go themselves.

So here's my solution.Instead of skipping the game, saying you're not going because you know no one else is, shut up. Actually go to the game, and then your friend will go because she knows you're going, and then she brings another friend. The next thing you know, people actually are at the game. All because someone decided to try and remedy a problem instead of just complaining about it.

Now, while I am still quite a few years away from my PhD and have further research and testing to do before I can give an official diagnosis for this disease, I'm pretty sure I can offer some advice that could help prevent the spread and I'm taking it from Ghandi.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

If you want things to change at Simpson, work to change them. If you want people to attend the games, go to the game yourself. If you don't want SGA spending $200 on name tags, tell them what they should spend $200 on.And if you don't care. If you don't feel like working and trying to make a change, then don't complain.

When I Grow Up

In roughly a week and a half I will essentially be a college senior. It's hard to believe that I'm nearing the completion of my junior year of college! Even before I started Simpson I heard that college flys by and while I believed them, its still hard to grasp how fast it does until it actually happens. And I'm not even close to being ready to grow up and my term class is not making things any easier.

I've started to think a bit more about what I want to do after graduation and grad school has started to sound like a good idea. My NACA experience has been awesome and so I began to think about going for student development and maybe becoming a Rich Ramos. BUT the thing is, I don't really think I want to do that as a career. But I think the student development experience would be benificial in the long run.

I've also thought about traveling after graduation. Yesterday, in our may term class we met with a former student of Kedron's and she worked and lived in London for 6 months after graduation and so that would be really cool. Only I would probably do something like Austrailia or New Zealand, since I have done the London thing already. AND I've also thought about just trying to find a job. But I have no freakin clue what. I would love to do something in event planning relatedness but I have no clue where to look. Plus I'm starting to wonder if I am even capable of holding a real job and being responsible and that scares me.

Ugh. This May Term class has really thrown things off. Just because some of the advice we've gotten from meeting with these professionals has been really helpful and what Emily has done sounded really fun and I would love to do something like that. BUt then hearing some the leaders talk makes me wonder if I really am a decent leader or just one of those power hungry people who just likes being a leader. And I don't want to be one of those people. Then there's the talks about our generation and what we expect out of life and how more than likely we won't get all that we want and then there's the whole economy thing and ugh.

Anyway. Back to the grad school thing. It's weird having to look at grad schools. I feel like I'm back in HS only its harder, because I'm not sure what I want to study. I could do student development. Maybe journalism or it'd be awesome to find some sort of event/entertainment management program. And then there is the whole GRE thing. I haven't taken a math class since my junior year of HS.

But ugh. It's crazy and getting scary. Even though I know I have a year left, right now I really have no clue what to do. And then just thinking about being a real grown up in general is scary and I think thats partly why I would like to go back to grad school.

Then there's this summer. Thanks to my suck-tackular driving luck my car sucks and so my original plans for interning in Minneapolis are now cancelled. So I'm hoping I can get a job at TEC w/ Sarah as a counselor. It'd be fun to be a counselor again and not have to worry about as much.

Other than stressing out about the rest of my life, May Term is good and fun! It's hard to believe the year is almost over ;( I have alot of packing to do :S

PS-sorry this turned into a rant of a blog. I didn't think it would....oops :S

Last night I lost my V-Card

So, as per usual. I drifted away from blogging and it has been a good 3 months since my last post.

And I really don't want to try and re think and fill you in on all the great happenings of the past 3 months; the stupid class projects for stagecraft, the job I thought I loved and now left, the car getting wrecked another 2 times and etc. So I'll just begin with some recent events.

As the title of the blog foreshadows, I lost my v-card last night. And no, I don't mean the romantic type v-card. Psh, I lost that awhile ago. I lost my concert v-card. Yep, true story. Up until last night i had never been to a legitimate concert. While I've enjoyed most of the music I've heard at NACA and our CAB events, I really don't consider them to be real life concerts. It was a fun time. About 8 of us took a drive out to Omaha to see a group called "Jukebox the ghost". They first saw them when they opened for Ben Fold when he was in Des Moines back in March. They're a fun energetic alternative band and have some pretty interesting songs. So, I'm glad I was able to give my v-card to such a deserving band.

In other news

It's currently May Term and I am ABSOLUTLY loving it! It's been an amazing great time. The weather could be a bit more cooperative and someone needs to twitter mother nature and let her know that she needs to make it nice. But today is a gorgeous day and so I'm happy. We played some mud volleyball earlier and it was great, sloshing around in a big pile of dirt and water.

And there's actually no new boy drama or news. I've been pretty tame and have been doing my best to avoid that whole scene and it is working out for me!

ANNNND you're pry wondering how I did with those new years resolutions I talked about in my last post.

HAHA, well obvi I have failed at blogging regularly. But I've actually done a somewhat decent job on the J&S gossip front. I bitch and gossip about them on ocassion, when good shit comes up. BUT for the most part I've taken the "eh you bore me" approach. AND I have definitally failed at the working out thing and am beginning to accept that working out will probably be something I will always fail at. At first the issue was I didn't have the time, but now it's May Term and I definitally have the time. I'm just lacking the will. BUT I still want to attempt at some point, we'll just see when that actually occurs.

Anyway. We'll stop there. hpefully, and know I've said this a million times. But I can get back into blogging and such.we'll see.

Your rejection is a compliment

It's been a little over a month since my flirtatious relationship with "The Real World" has ended. When they decided that they had no more interest in me and like every guy I have ever attempted to date, they simply stopped calling.

I was surprised at how well I actually took the rejection, maybe it's because I've gotten accustomed to it or because I had a feeling that it was going to end and they weren't going to call. I'm surprised that I "handled" the rejection as well as I did though. Before it actually happened, I figured I'd be stressed and pissed over it for a few days. Cry a bit. Hate life. Hate MTV and be my normal DQ self. BUT I actually wasn't. It was more of "eh, oh well". I think that some friends took it harder than I did. When broke the news to a few people they made excuses for me. saying maybe they didn't call yet because of the thanksgiving holiday or that I still had a week. But no. They just didn't want me. And I'm fine with that.

For starters, it means I'm not 100% fucked up. You look at some of the seasons and you think "HOLY COW" who are these people. They have issues etc. etc. You know that the casting directors love those people and if I would have made it any farther it would imply that I was actually one of them. Semi's was a good place to end up. It means I am interesting, I have a bit of drama in my life and they saw something interesting. But they got bored because I wasn't a complete basketcase, and I can live with that.

Even though it would have been amazing to take a semester of school and get paid to live in a sweet house and drink all the time. There's plenty back here at Simpson that I can now look forward to. The biggest probably being NACA in February. Plus things were going awesome with the house and it would have sucked to leave when I had actually been around for a semester.

BUT I'm not giving up on the RW yet. I think I was a little too nice with my interviews and tapes. They asked to see some different sides of me and I only showed them the good sides. I barely scraped the edge when it comes to things people shouldn't know about me. Like how needy and jealous I get. How possesive I can be. My irritation for idiots and I could continue. So I think my next audition tape will be an angry rant at them. PLUS I now know what things I should milk a little more. Even though I don't really give a shit that I've never seen my real dad. I can pretend for them that I do. That it eats me up on the inside that I've never met the man who gave me life. That's the stuff they want to hear.

So, while I'm complimented that I'm not a total basket case. I kinda want to be one. Lets get real. I'm still an attention whore who's current life goal is to get on reality tv.

It's That Time Again

HAPPY NEW YEAR!...well, okay 3 days late...but we're close.

Now's that time of year again. Where everyone dreams big and sets goals to change for the better-- lose weight, stop smoking, eat healty etc. And we all keep up with these goals for 2 or 3 weeks,before falling back into the swing of the same routine last year and disappointing ourselves once again and saying "I'll just do it next year."

Generally, I don't make "New Year's Resolutions", for one, I've never really found anything in my life that I was motivated enough to change and 2) and I knew that I would be like a majority of people and forget I even made the resolution and go back to my same ol same ol rountine.

WELL, this year I have made a few resolutions, 4 to be precise and I would actually like to follow through with them.

Resolution 1- Quit talking/gossiping/hating and drama-tizing about "you know who's"
Pretty much anyone who is somewhat of a friend of mine should know that I have a particular distaste.....well..okay...HATE for two certain individuals. Two people are who literally crazy,fat,annoying,stupid...oh shit..wait..i'm not supposed to be saying that......well anyway. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have drama stories about these two out the wazoo. Everyday they've done something new to piss me off or I've heard something new about them that I spread like wildfire within 5 minutes of hearing about it. I'm not even going to get into why I hate them or how one stabbed me in the back as a BFF and the other is a complete dumbass conference assistant. BUT I'm done. I waste way too much of my breath talking about these two for no reason. 99.9% of the people who know who they are agree with my feelings, only probably not quite as strongly and so there's no point in complaining. From now on I'm brushing off their drama and no longer speaking of them. It'll save my breath, save me alot of stress and give my roomate a rest from hearing me bitch about them. Besides, I believe in karma and I heard hate doesn't do a body good.

Resolution 2-Eat Healty
I admit this is a pretty general one. Everyone always attempts to lose weight or eat healthy in the New Year, but I need to join in. If you actually saw my diet you would wonder how I'm not the size of blimp by this point....it's a called a great metabolism. BUT I'm going to give my metabolism a rest, so I can save it and use it when I'm 40 and just start eating healty and maybe attempting to exercise. I'm not going to be stupid, there's no way in hell I'm going to go all gung ho with it and completely remove all junk food from my life....that would never happen. Especially when you have Sally as a cook. I'm just going to work on making better decisions as to what I eat at 1am when I'm doing homework (which is actually probably to simply not eat) and also attempt to run at least twice a week. Then maybe, I could get my long lost ab section back AND not get winded when walking up to Hawley.

Resolution 3-Be on time to things.
I am nitorious for being late. Especially to work. The managers and I at the GAP actually joke about my punctuality and they've learned to not expect me at my scheduled time but five minutes later is good. Well, I need to stop that. If I actually want a good recommendation, where they can tell my future boss I'm actually on time, I should probably start doing it. Besides, it would save me the stress I get when speeding to work and it might cut down on my road rage. Specially since when I grow up I will need to be on time to work.

Resolution 4- Blog once a week.
There's so many times I think about something I could blog about,then I forget or don't and the next thing you know, it's been 2 months and I haven't touched my blog. Blogging helps me sort my mind out, allows me to vent AND gives you something good to read. Plus, if I decide to someday pursue journalism more or reality television it should help.

So, those are it. The big 4 for the year. I didn't get crazy ridiculous with my goals. I didn't set my sights too high. Like me quitting being such a procrastinator, or doing my homework or quit being gay. We knew all those would be impossible. So I stuck with things I can actually do. We'll see how it goes.