Thursday, December 31, 2009

Everything Happens For A Reason

Holy wow...can't believe its already 2010! This year has actually been quite amazing and it's scary to believe its essent gone.

But anyway.I'm actually going to SAVE my review of the year/goals for 2010 until a later date. I have something more important to share.

Okay, as you may recall with my last post.. I was slightly overanaylzing/ overthinking/ oVerStReSSing about a stupid boy who wasn't responding to texts etc....and he still hasn' I moved on....but had the usual feeling you get after rejection...what'd I do..what's wrong with me? maybe I just suck at life and am destined to be single forever. etc. etc. etc.

WELL, rewind a little bit...

There's a realllly cute barista at this coffee shop I go to in East Village when I volunteer for One Iowa. Well, turns out, Drew's a WIMP and doesn't ever approach people; I'm too AwKwaRd/majorly fear rejection. SO I never really said much to him beyond the "20oz of the dark roast......please...thank you." etc.

WELLL....on Tuesday he (well call him Barista Boy) added me to facebook..saying he worked with C, a girl I go to SimpCo with. We ended up chatting on fbook for a bit in the afternoon and it was good convo. Just random talk...

Well, then last night I was busy @ DSMsocialclub all night setting up for the New Year's Bash (which is going to ROOOOCK ps!)! But he asked if I wanted to come over and hang out.

So,when I finally got done setting up, I went over and it was FUN. We watched Jesus Camp..HOLY WOW movie PS! Def cray-cray!!! I suggest watching it if you haven't!

So yea, we had lunch today and it's been FuNNNN!

But it's just funny...Barista Boy is way cooler than P. He's cute, easy to talk to, artsy and smart. Likes alot of the same RaNdoM movies & books I do.......and yea..I'm diggin him so far...

And if P would have called or texted back.,I would not have been hanging out with Barista Boy. Who like I said, is WAY BETTER than stupid P..

so yea...I would like to THANK P for being a jerk and lets hope that I see Barista Boy tonight...MAAAAYBE @ midnight =)

Happy New Years everyone!!!

Be safe!!!!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Dear Senses

Dear Senses,

I'm not quite sure what happened, but I seemed to have lost you at some point this last week.

As you recall, we were still together when I met that adorable,smart and seemingly fun guy on Saturday at the birthday party. AND you were still with me Sunday, after he left and even Monday, but that's the last time I saw you.

Since then I've kind of been a slight hott mess and I need you back. We both know that I can be a bit of an overanalyzer when it comes to this new guy stuff, so you see why I really need you back right now.

See, with you gone, I've stressed about this kid a liitttle too much.

I don't know if you remember, but Sunday he asked to hang out on Monday. WELL, Monday came and he texted and said he couldn't because he got busy at the gym coaching and needed to get to bed early. But asked if was free in a "coupla days".

I think you were still with me at that point because I said "okay, yea, I should be". And that was that.

Well, since then I have yet to hear from him and its starting to actually really bug me and I can tell you got lost,because I'm overanalyzing/stressing/thinking about it way too much than is healthy.

I understand that this has been a busy holiday week and he's probably been busy with family this and family that. But my mind is still questioning.

I mean, he also mentioned Sunday that he had asked Pocket about me, which to me would ential interest, especially if he's telling me he talked to someone else....right?

PLUS, we talked for over 2 hours at the party. When he totally could have brushed me off and went and visited with the other people he came with and knew. He also mentioned to me that he isn't one for talk with people that bore/don't interest him. ANNNND he was the one that suggested a movie after the yea...IDK...

And granted I've still been smart enough to NOT be one of those crazies that text/call everyday and even multiple times a day. I have left him alo for the most part, with just a HELLO "Happy Holidays" text on Thursday..............with no response.

So yea, senses. I'm really confused. I'm not sure what to think about this issue and I'm giving it way too much thought and time. When I should just let it be and see what happens. But it's not happening that way.

AND as you can tell, I probably sound like one of those CRAZZZY gays that fall waaay to fast, and get too attached and emtional and all that but we both know I have good balance and I'm generally not......and that while I still tend to be a bit dramatic on ocassion, for the most part. I'm sensible about this type of stuff.

Once again, I'm blame the holidays for it...

BUT Yeeaah

IF you would please come back to me, I'm sure I would be thinking a little less and a little clearer about this issue....I would calm down a bit, and I wouldn't be so worked up and I could be a little more pleasant again.

Thanks so much!


PS-senses, if you have any ideas as to what is going is this kid still interested and just busy. Or has he lost interest and I need to shutup and get over it. Please provide that information when you return.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Stuck in Limbo

The next week always feel like LiMbO to me.

Those 7 days inbetween X-Mas and New Year's Eve

Not quite sure what to do, what to think, what to say.

I'm relieved that the holidays are over.

Gone is the StreSsS of gift getting. Of making sure I wear the appropriate smile when the last bit of wrapping paper falls off and I'm presented with the fruits of my mother's shopping labors, doing her best to try and find me a gift that she can SURPRISE me with. something I didn't ask for, but she thought I'd like. Me, not wanting to disappoint or hurt her and lead her to believe I don't appreciate it....but luckily, my mom usually does a pretty good job and so fake smiles and sincere but false " I love its" aren't necessary.

Now comes the post holiday Bloating. The muffin top and heavy stomach from way too many gatherings with plates of food PUSHED upon me like escort cards in Las Vegas. And I vow to run, but not today. I'm too tired. or it's too cold.....Tomorrow. Tomorrow sounds good. and the cycle continues until the next post-Christmas season.

Now's the time to wallow in the misery of singledom. Where with cruel irony the only movies I want to watch are the romantic particular, Love Actually. Now's the time where I feel left out that I didn't get to shop for my beloved boyfriend or his family, or kiss him under the Mistletoe.

It's a time of reflection. To look back @ the year see what happened. Think about what made me HaPpY...what pissed me off...what I could have done. What I should have done. What I'm glad I did....and the "What Ifs..."

It's time to look at the year AHEAD. Time to set those goals I already know I'm never going to accomplish. Goals I'll set with good intentions and the desire to exceed, while already feeling gUiLtY about them. Knowing that in 3 weeks they'll be as good as forgotten. Something put on the ever expanding "To-Do list" for a rainy day.

BUT This year I feel DifFeReNt. This year I feel like I may really conquer those goals, that these "I shoulds" will turn into "I DIDs". I'm AM excited for 2010.Which is scary, considering in 5 short months I will no longer be a college student. And, I'll be a grown up in a "grown up" & harsh world. But for some reason I eagerly await the dropping of that Times Square Ball. Hoping for a new beginning. A send off into my final semester. A send off into the UnKnOwn, something I'm beginning to welcome.

BUT, I do approach NYE with a twinge of I going to get that *kiss*? Am I going to have another person to share that "magical" second with. Or will I be stuck throwing confetti and blowing a noisemaker, while everyone around me locks lips.

This time of year is always a tricky one. And 2009 is no different.......but it is. Now more than ever I eerily and EaGerLy await the New Year. Excited to see what may happen. While still trying to shake off that bitter Bite of loneliness that seems to take over during the holiday season.

And so it begins. The 7 day tread of life. As I look back and reflect, look forward and enVision, and wonder what is going to happen next.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

5 Things I DON'T like about the Holidays

I am probably one of those people that any Christmas Caroling, Christmas dEcoRatioNs up in November, pee your pants at the first sight of SnOw, type people love to hate.

I am not a fan of the holiday season. And while I'm not scrooge or the Grinch, trying to destory hopes,dreams and the Christmas Spirit, I am someone who doesn't get eXcitEd for it and would rather it be all said and done.

I'm not sure why either. I've just never been a fan of the holiday. Maybe it's because my family's never been one of those, lets all get together open presents and play games type of families. And it's not like Santa continually skiPPed me as a child, I always got the Christmas presents. It could also maybe be that my birthday is so close to the holiday and so that has jipped me a few times. OR maybe it's because its during my least favorite season and is associated with snow , something I despise.....anyway, I'm not a fan.

And while this holiday season doesn't cause me to DrInK more or try to hang myself with tinsel, there are a few things that seem to pop up during this time period, that do drive me nuts.

  1. Hearing HAPPY HOLIDAYS at the end of every converstion, every restaurant and every single store I either walk into or leave, starting at the end of November and lasting until January.......I know it's the holidays. Thanks for reminding me. like the christmas music, decorations and crowded parking lots weren't enough of a reminder.
  2. CHRISTMAS MUSIC...I think this anti-warm fuzzy feeling stems from my history in retail, and hearing the same cd on REPEAT for weeks! on end, you get tired of it quite easily. And when your job in admissions only plays lite 104.1 starting December 1st, who likes to play ONLY Christmas music and it tends to be all the Christmas music nO oNe likes, come December 25, I'm usually ready to stab my ears out with CaNdY CaNeS!!!
  3. Christmas break......hold the phone. I LOVE the break from school. I love not having classes or meetings or any other number of responsibilities. What I DON'T love is getting stuck at home, where there's nothing to do and I'm left twiddling my thumbs for a month.
  4. The StReSsSs....stress is abound during the holidays. The traffic that happens at the mall. The CrOwDs that happen in stores. The stress of trying to find that perfect gift for that perfect someone.etc etc etc. But really, my stress comes from getting gifts! Yep , i hate getting presents. I always feel bad and gulity. Like I don't deserve them. No matter who its from. Whether its Santa, mom,dad, sisters or friends. I would much rather NOT get presents. Giving gifts is no problem! I LOVE doing my best to make someone happy and let them know I appreciate them. There's just something aWkWArD I have about getting them.
  5. The reminder I am once again alone and single. This kinda ties in with #4. But every Christmas I get slightly depressed again. Knowing I don't get to try and find that special someone a present or kiss them under the mistletoe. And it doesn't help that most Christmas movies are about looove, and those Christmas movies are now on repeat on any tv station.

So yea. This is probably just the TIP of the iceberg, but I don't feel like going on forever.

Needless to say, I'm ready for it to be January 1st. I'm ready for it to be over ANNNND done! And we can go back to our normal lives, where I'm not dealing with CrAzY crowds, annoying music or present stress.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Excuse Me While I Blog This Out

dating...oohh dating...

I could probably write a blog everyday for the rest of forever about dating....its positives. its negatives. why I Can'T stand it. Why I still attempt it. Is it worth it? Should I give up? How I've managed to kiCKed in the face 9 times out 10 when attempting. and the list could continue.

As of right now, I'm not dating. It's not that I don't want to. I just haven't managed to find anyone "dateable" in awhile. And in all reality; I've yet to have a single legitimate relationship.

While I did finally have something with someone for a few months early this fall, retrospectively, I don't consider it a "real relationship". In the beginning I thought it would work, we met 1 week before I left for Pennsylvania for my summer job and I thought that would be perfect timing for me to actually do my best and not JUMP the gun or get over my head in something. So we managed to talk almost everyday for the entire summer which I took as a good sign. I got back, we hung out a couple more times, but he had to leave for school out of state......

Sooo, I thought. If we managed to talk all summer, certianly we can manage being 3 hours away from eachother AND we decided to become "facebook official". WELL, after about a month, I got BOrED & tired of it. I didn't like this long distance thing, and felt stupid for trying to start a relationship with someone I had in all actuality hung out with 3 maybe 4 times. So, we called it OFF... On top of that he was only 19 and it showed at times. So, that relationship is considered "annuled" in the book of Drew.

I should also mention as of now "dating" is used rather loosly and could be defined as "hanging out on more than one ocassion on a regular basis, with or without verbal mention of a possible future relationship."

For me this "dating" has always been somewhat of a challenge. A game of give and take. Either he likes me and I don't like him. Or I'm liking him and he loses interest in me. Or even, we both have a mutual interest and things would probably work great BUT we live too far away from eachother and so nothing can happen.

And while I have a feeling everyone feels the same way, in my case; 98.56% of the time, it's the first issue that I find happening. I like him and he has no interest in me. I like to think that I'm a normal,sane, charasmatic, attractive individual who most people would be HaPpY to date, but apparently I'm wrong. And I do my best ( and think I manage ) to not be one of those crazy daters that text and call way too much. IDK what this issue is.

But anyway, yes. There is a point all this backstorying and rambling.

The point is,I think there should be a way to streamline this dating process and make it alot EASIER..... Like, a dating resume or survey card that you can trade with someone you find to be of interest.

Something simple.

Something that states your:

  • interests
  • likes & dislikes
  • stats
  • brief dating history
  • quirks
  • dreams
  • 5 year plan
  • how many children you want
  • at what age you'd like to be married
  • any other useful information

AND THEN...... at the bottom has a

  • YES OR NO checkbox

just like in a grade school note.

That way, when you exchange numbers or talk about hanging out or going out on a date. You don't have to StReSSS about why he hasn't responded or called yet, because you already know if there's a legitimate interest or not.

I also wish that all this over thinking and analyzing I have managed to do in the dating world, would have made itself useful in my education world. If I would have attempted to think and analyze the ethics of gloabization, half has much as I do why or why not a guy hasn't called what he meant when he said that, I would have been a 4.0 student.

sooo...yea, this has been the thought eating at me today......"why can't dating be easier?"

Is there a reason I'm wondering this? YEP, but I don't feel like sharing yet...;-)

Monday, December 21, 2009

We're Gonna Party Like It's My Birthday....

Okay, it actually was my birthday on Friday and it was spent in a pretty non-traditional least for it being my birthday.

As usual my birthday fell right after finals, which is always nice. It means no stress and I'm free to do whatever because I don't have to worry about classes,tests, etc.

Well, for this birthday I decided to go and visit the great north of Iowa. One of my bffs from the house is from there and he invited a group of us to go and visit and hang out for a day.

The party started Thursday night, and we went to a good 'ol fashioned 1-A High school basketball game. ha was horrible and brought back good memories...the score at the end of the 1st quarter of the girls' game was 27-1 (and that ONE point was scored in the last 5 seconds!). The mens game was a little more interesting. But of course, as usual at small town sporting events. The real entertainment comes from the politican-esque parents. You know...the parents who yell and shout about things, pretending to know whats going on....when really they have no clue and they make no sense. Yea, that was the parents at this basketball game. Shouting that the girl fouled the other girl, when they didn't even come in contact, calling "over the back" when the girls were back2back...etc etc. etc. The best part of the evening was when a dad got kicked out, when he wasn't the one was the 70 year old grandpa behind him being inappropriate.

But anyway... the game provided quite a bit of entertainment and it was nice to see another small town shady HS, almost as bad as mine.

Friday was where the exciting things happened that would surprise anyone who knew me.

We started at the pig farm...yep, we got suited up and went and played in the hog confinements and it was entertaining....For starters, I wasn't even the "pig farm virgin" that was our friend Brett who grew up in California....but it was still something I didn't do a whole lot of growing up since dad just farmed crops, not livestock...and even the crops I never touched....

So, we played in the pig pens, trying to ride them, yelling and running, watching them jump all over eachother. It was pretty entertaining...even though we reeked like pig the rest of the day.

After that we busted out the heavy artilary and hit the shooting range.....and by shooting range, I mean the milk jugs and gatorade bottles we set up on snow drifts in the back of Stiches's yard. Once again, I had actually shot a gun in my lifetime, so I wasn't as scared about shooting it. It was everyone else, watching me shoot who were scared for all our lives. BUT I shot a few guns (including an AR-15) and put some holes in things......... mostly snowdrifts......BUT i did hit a couple jugs. =)

AND that was the exciting-ness of the birthday...I went home after that, had dinner with the family and all that warm-fuzzy type stuff...and proceeded to play with "animals" at the Zoo in town with some friends..

So overall, it was a VERY sucessful birthday. Very chill, very manly, and very something that you wouldn't expect me to do..but it was fun...and it was spent with awesome yea..

until Next time.