Saturday, December 26, 2009

Stuck in Limbo

The next week always feel like LiMbO to me.

Those 7 days inbetween X-Mas and New Year's Eve

Not quite sure what to do, what to think, what to say.

I'm relieved that the holidays are over.

Gone is the StreSsS of gift getting. Of making sure I wear the appropriate smile when the last bit of wrapping paper falls off and I'm presented with the fruits of my mother's shopping labors, doing her best to try and find me a gift that she can SURPRISE me with. something I didn't ask for, but she thought I'd like. Me, not wanting to disappoint or hurt her and lead her to believe I don't appreciate it....but luckily, my mom usually does a pretty good job and so fake smiles and sincere but false " I love its" aren't necessary.

Now comes the post holiday Bloating. The muffin top and heavy stomach from way too many gatherings with plates of food PUSHED upon me like escort cards in Las Vegas. And I vow to run, but not today. I'm too tired. or it's too cold.....Tomorrow. Tomorrow sounds good. and the cycle continues until the next post-Christmas season.

Now's the time to wallow in the misery of singledom. Where with cruel irony the only movies I want to watch are the romantic particular, Love Actually. Now's the time where I feel left out that I didn't get to shop for my beloved boyfriend or his family, or kiss him under the Mistletoe.

It's a time of reflection. To look back @ the year see what happened. Think about what made me HaPpY...what pissed me off...what I could have done. What I should have done. What I'm glad I did....and the "What Ifs..."

It's time to look at the year AHEAD. Time to set those goals I already know I'm never going to accomplish. Goals I'll set with good intentions and the desire to exceed, while already feeling gUiLtY about them. Knowing that in 3 weeks they'll be as good as forgotten. Something put on the ever expanding "To-Do list" for a rainy day.

BUT This year I feel DifFeReNt. This year I feel like I may really conquer those goals, that these "I shoulds" will turn into "I DIDs". I'm AM excited for 2010.Which is scary, considering in 5 short months I will no longer be a college student. And, I'll be a grown up in a "grown up" & harsh world. But for some reason I eagerly await the dropping of that Times Square Ball. Hoping for a new beginning. A send off into my final semester. A send off into the UnKnOwn, something I'm beginning to welcome.

BUT, I do approach NYE with a twinge of I going to get that *kiss*? Am I going to have another person to share that "magical" second with. Or will I be stuck throwing confetti and blowing a noisemaker, while everyone around me locks lips.

This time of year is always a tricky one. And 2009 is no different.......but it is. Now more than ever I eerily and EaGerLy await the New Year. Excited to see what may happen. While still trying to shake off that bitter Bite of loneliness that seems to take over during the holiday season.

And so it begins. The 7 day tread of life. As I look back and reflect, look forward and enVision, and wonder what is going to happen next.

No comments: