Thursday, May 13, 2010

Now I've got something to blog about


So it's time for an angry blog. And I guess "angry" is the right word. Maybe aggravated or stressed or maybe even annoyed is a better term. Either way, whatever word you choose, this blog is about letting off some steam.

And really, as usual, in 24 hours I will probaby be completely over this, happy again, wondering why I even wrote this blog and I may even delete it. But it's something that's bugging me, bugging me enough I feel the need blog out my frustrations.

AND as per usual, the anxiety is coming from relationship things. Overall, Barista and I are A-OK. We're not fighting. He's not being a douchebag or any of that. It's more so it's art that's getting in the way.

As you may recall, the Barista is an artist, a good one actually. And this Friday is his first ever solo art show, so he's in full swing on creative mode.

WELL, when the Barista is in creative mode, he becomes a recluse, and Drew gets tossed to the side, slightly forgetten about until his art is done and he remembers that he has a boyfriend. OR that's at least how it feels.

We go from seeing eachother, especially recently, almost every day, to nothing. And I could handle it if it was just that. I don't need to see him everyday. I like to and I want to, but if I can't NBD. I'll survive and manage.No, but what bugs me is that all communication seems to get shut off. No texts, no phone calls etc. That's what bugs me.

And I hate sounding like a needy whiney Bella inspired girl. Someone who thinks they need to be with a man at all times, and I'm not completely that way. BUT I do like to be able to talk to my boyfriend without feeling like I'm being a nusance.

And I don't need constant communication either, and it's also not that he is COMPLETLY blown me off. It's just that a text that at least says. "hi, how's your day" or even "hi, leave me alone. I'm focusing on the show." would be appreciated.

And what further adds to the annoyance is that I won't get a text back from something I sent him 2 hours ago, but in between then I'll see 3 or 4 tweets from him about the show...... Even though he will yell at me if I tweet before texting social media and technology I spose.

SO yea. And it's not that I don't support him. I do. And we've talked about it and he's warned me that's how gets and I said. Okay, I can handle that. And for the most part I do. Well, minus this whole blog thing right now.

I guess my issue is that I feel like I'm the one doing all the work and making the sacrifices and saying "okay, Barista, go ahead and do your art". I'll just sit here and wait for your to return. And he doesn't have to try for me. And I like to think I'm not expecting a lot. But even if you took a timeout and said. Okay, Drew, I'll make time to have dinner or lunch with you. Or go ahead and come over. I'd be happy. But I'm just kinda hurt I guess he doesn't seem to care and is just "leave me alone, I have to do my art".

And also, my friend Pocket has been helping him with the show. Just logistics stuff and getting ready. And I'm kinda jealous that he hasn't asked me. Even after I told him a couple weeks ago that I wanted to help him more. But once again, I asked him today when he wanted me to help and he said that him and pocket had it covered. And yea, I'm kinda hurt....................ugh I sound like such a baby right now. I feel like as the bf, I should be there. Helping. Making sure its going right. I mean, for christs sake, I'm an event planner. I know what the hell I'm doing.

And in his "defense" he did have lunch with me yesterday. BUT I think it was really just because he wanted to pick up the projector I had gotten for him for his art show. And not really because he had any interest in seeing me.

And I know this blog is whiney and complainy and Barista sounds like he's being a total dick.

He's not really. Our relationship is Fine like I said. And I do know that come tomorrow night at 10pm when his art show is done, we'll be fine. It's just something that's bugging me for the time being.

And he's not meaning to do any of it on purpose. I know he loves me etc. It's just how he does his art. And it is ultimately something I'm going to have to deal with if I want to keep him. And I do. So I will. And I'm guessing as time goes on I'll get more and more used to it.

So. yea. That's what's bugging me. Getting ditched by my boyfriend so he can go be creative and make great art.

Barista, if you happen to read this. Lo Siento. i know you don't mean to. I promise, in reality I'm fine. It's just me in one of my moody/whiney baby modes.

Until next time.

******SIDE NOTE*******
SO, of course. A couple hours after I blog this who stops by while I'm interning at DMSC.
The barista. Granted, it was for literally 30seconds, but he did stop by to say HI.
And now I'm in a better mood.

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